52 Weeks of 2013 - Week 45

Childhood is so fleeting. Before we know it, those helpless babies are crawling, walking, then all too quickly running. The cries become words then sentences and all of a sudden there are full, two-way conversations. Time speeds by and we cannot stop it, try as we might.

A little girl was feeling sad this day. Her older brother and sister and cousins had taken off without her, up a steep, loose gravel hill and try as hard as she could, she was unable to follow them. She sat forlornly, fighting back the tears and I felt a little helpless. Had I not been wearing flip flops, or had two dogs in tow, I may have attempted to make the treacherous climb with her, but given those circumstances, it was not an option. I know she loves me, but in that moment she would rather have been exploring with the big kids, than hanging out with her Mom.

She didn't want consoling, she was trying to be strong! I know these instances are growing further apart and happening with lesser frequency. All too soon they'll all be off having their own fun, as I watch (and cheer) from the sidelines. That moment, was one more for me to just be with her, to turn the sad into a smile, to create something special, for just the two of us. So we went on a little treasure hunt, searching for conkers. It was our own little adventure and she was so proud. I guess 'conkers' isn't really played over here, but she knew exactly what I was talking about, she'd seen it on a Kipper episode. She was excited and happy...and so was I.

As mothers, our role is constantly changing. We go from being the be all and end all, to a helper, a teacher, an encourager, having finally to release, to be a cheerleader and supporter and hopefully in the end a friend. Each stage so far has been so sweet and as I see my role needing to change it continues to be bittersweet, but I hope to cherish each one and to keep depositing into those memory banks.

52 Weeks of 2013 - Week 3

My children have always loved the swings at playgrounds, I spent countless hours pushing them and yet it seemed it was never enough. The exhilaration, the sense of freedom? Maybe they felt like they were flying? At times, I confess, I would get bored and encourage them onto some other piece of apparatus, but they always came back to the swings. Now look at my baby...she can fly on her own and fly she does!

As I look at my life it seems there is rarely time to dream. These years with young children are full of dishes and cooking and laundry and running to and from one place to another. Yet I truly would not have it any other way...I know I will look back at this time as one of the richest of my life.

I entered a giveaway today where the question was "Tell me about a milestone or dream you have achieved or would love to achieve." I took a deep breath to try to think of anything! Surprisingly it came quickly to me and it wasn't about a career or great opportunity but it was my marriage. My parents divorced shortly before I hit my teen years and it was devastating. For many years I doubted that I wanted to ever marry, to risk it all when after five children and a life of ministry it could still all be thrown away? But deep inside I dreamed of a marriage that was strong, that was full of love and laughter and support. My husband also came from a family of divorce and had the same dream...last week we celebrated sixteen years of marriage. We have outlasted both our parents' marriages and are still going strong. I am blessed to have my best friend by my side to share life with!

As a family too we are starting to dream. Not one for resolutions, a few days into the start of the year I decided we would have a family dream list. Some of our dreams are completely realistic and some seem incredibly extravagant and unlikely, but we are writing them down and we will try to make them happen. The children are helping us come up with the ideas and we have 68 so far on our list which is to be 100. A simple one which we achieved this weekend, was to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. I have lived here for 14 years and had never done it, but now we can cross it off the list. I'll be sure to let you know when we get to swim with dolphins or vacation on a houseboat or visit Thailand again and if you know anyone who owns a dog sledding team, let us know :)

Our time frame is before the kids grow up and move out, so we have a while. It was fun coming up with ideas and felt good to write them down and give airy dreams, skin and bones. Speaking it out, writing it down - I highly recommend it!

52 Week Project - Week 29

*Just as a reminder, this is a personal project I am undertaking this year, in order to shoot more and share more. Each week of 2011 will have a corresponding favorite photograph.

I have a lot of catching up to do in terms of posting from my 52 week project. I cannot believe that we are already in week 37, this year is speeding by! So without wasting any more time, here is the picture from week 29.

This was her first day of school. Officially a kindergartener! She was excited and ready to go. She felt confident and comfortable. She had spent the past two years watching her older brother at this school, in the very same class, with the very same teacher. As a K/1 class, she was even familiar with half of her classmates.

For me it was, and is, so bitter sweet; my baby girl growing up and leaving home (well not quite yet, but almost). I love the quote I found, which describes raising children from my perspective, so perfectly. We have to let go, to let them grow up and become the people they are, in their own right. Yet at the same time we keep holding on, keep loving, keep being there for them and encouraging them to their full potential. What an honor and a challenge.

Love that little girl and so incredibly proud of her!

52 Week Project - Week 24 {Marin Child Portrait Photographer}

Aaaah summer is in full swing for us. School has been out for three weeks and we have been hiking and playing at parks and going to the beach and meeting with friends. Life is more relaxed and much less structured.

Any time there is water to counteract heat it is a huge bonus, the kids could not be happier. We spent time this week visiting friends and playing in the San Anselmo creek, which my friend's mom's house backs onto. Water, sunshine, shade, friends, snacks...they really make for the best of times.

How is your summer shaping up?

52 Week Project - Week 21

Well once again I am posting later than I would like. The good news is, that I am keeping up with this project and shooting more as a result. A bit of discipline never hurt anyone. Pretty soon we will be halfway through the year, which is ridiculously crazy to think about.

School is out and I now have three children at home again, so there will be many trips to the park, and if the weather ever gets it's act together again and behaves like summer, trips to the beach! I am waiting anxiously.

Shear madness?

A haircut has been long overdue for Arran and with the temperature being up to 90 degrees the last couple of days, it was time to take action. We went out to the front porch, armed with scissors and clippers...and now he has a new do, the shortest he's ever had.

He loves it!

I'm still getting used to it, it is a big change, but he is still as good looking as ever!

Arran James Angus Cannan

My firstborn.

My son.

I remember driving home from the hospital with our darling baby boy, so tiny in his car seat, crying the whole way. I remember gazing at him, amazed, incredulous that this fragile baby was ours. He was reliant on us for everything. He could not speak to us at that point and we were constantly referring to our baby books, for everything, but we had an immediate, unbreakable bond. It was all so new, and scary, and overwhelming, and so wonderful.

He changed my life forever.

I just do not know where the time has gone. He is an amazing little boy, who has blessed my life, who constantly showers us with love and affection. He will countless times in his day, stop whatever he is doing, just look at me and say, so emphatically

"Mommy...I LOVE you!"

He'll flash me a grin, or sometimes run over and fling his arms around my neck and plant a kiss on my cheek, then go back to whatever he was doing before.

He notices the littlest things, like if I change earrings, or shoes. He tells me I'm pretty and thanks me for cooking our meals. He tells me that everyone in the whole world is his friend and he loves them all.

And now, as of February 10th, he is five!

I love his excitement. I love that he enjoys life, but is sensitive to others. I love that he is a little boy, who is coming into his own, who loves to run and play and have fun and who has a crazy imagination.

I love you Arran! I am so glad that you are in my life!