Twenty Years!

I feel so incredibly fortunate and thoroughly blessed to have spent TWENTY YEARS(!!!) married to this exceptional man. Twenty wonderfully beautiful, fun, crazy, sweet, life changing years! That ’s a huge amount of time to be with one person and yet, somehow, it has flown by, and I would do it all over again. I have zero regrets. He has loved me so very well. I am not the easiest person and I cannot imagine anyone else loving me in the same way, being willing to always look for the best in me, to constantly affirm my beauty in his eyes, building up my self-worth. Our culture leaves us constantly questioning what is desirable, or sexy, it ’s a daily battle, but he has fought that battle for me, by actively showing and speaking his love, by telling me daily that I am beautiful, by constantly pursuing me. I might have a long way to go, but he has made a massive impact on my self-esteem. I have felt cherished and wanted and loved, and even though I am not the 23 year old he married, he can still make me feel that way. To me that is truly amazing!

We have grown up together, and made a wonderful family together, and I can honestly say, in all these years, through the easy and harder parts of life, I have never, even once, questioned or doubted that we should be together. Where I am thoroughly practical, he brings adventure and passion. He makes me laugh, makes life more fun, more enjoyable. I feel like I was the one who hit the jackpot when he chose me; the material stuff is overrated, this type of love, the self-sacrificing, the choosing each other over and over again, and gladly being able to do so, not just because it was a vow you made, this is what makes for a happy life. I am so very grateful and I will love him forever!

January 2016 - Long Overdue Update

Life doesn’t always go as we planned or maybe hoped for. Our last eighteen months have been far from what we expected. A great job meant an international move and starting over, which emotionally was, initially, incredibly hard. Then, slowly, finding a new normal and feeling hope again…only to have it all ripped away. The job was cut, and our new life came crashing down around us. We returned to the life we had left, except that we had ended that life; the things that had been part of that season were gone and we literally have had to start over, again, from scratch.

I won’t lie, it has been hard. I have had moments of complete desperation, feeling utter hopelessness. The nice Christian word for it is ‘challenging’, but honestly that doesn’t even begin to describe what we have been through. Were it not for the kindness of family, we would have been homeless. It is hard to accept, or talk about and I was hoping to write again from ‘the other side’, looking back with it all making much more sense. But that place seems to still be just beyond the current horizon.

Maybe it will help others to hear from ‘in’ this journey, not once it has been completed. I know that this is not a punishment; I know that God does not play favorites; I also know there are consequences for decisions made by us and others, that the actions of others can have repercussions for us. Sometimes things just happen because we live in a world that is far from perfect and there isn’t a God controlling everything that happens, there is free will, but that means that bad things can happen and He weeps too, when they do!

Sometimes when I don’t have the words left to express what I am feeling, a song will. There is a song by Casting Crowns that speaks to a little of what we have lived

‘I was sure by now

God you would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

“I’m with you”

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

And I’ll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I’ve cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm’

There were moments when I was not praising, I was just barely holding on, wondering what on earth, and why? But He uses it all. Ultimately we will be stronger for going through this season and surviving, we will be more compassionate, more flexible.

The words from another song have struck me on several occasions

‘Your world’s not falling apart it’s falling into place…’

Oh how I hope this is true for us, because I felt like our world fell apart.

It is so very hard to not have answers, to live in a state of uncertainty, not knowing what is next,  no plan, no map with the directions to follow. The day to day can still be difficult, but the good news is I am well past the initial heartache and feelings of desperation and am hopeful again. We are not stuck where we were, we were not abandoned and there will be a way forward, even if that path is currently shrouded in fog.

I took this photo yesterday, the first deliberate photo in far too long, just because it struck me as simple but beautiful. I decided to look up the symbolism of feathers and guess what…

A feather symbolizes a new beginning - a new life ahead. A feather symbolizes hope.

How perfect!

Happy Father's Day - 2015

Many of our traditions have had to go with our international move, but I'm not letting go of this one any time soon. Each year for Father's Day, since our youngest was about 18 months, I have taken this shot of the three of them. I love to see documentation of them changing and it is one of my favourite traditions.

These kids adore their Daddy and I do too! He is a wonderful man who knows how to love well. Not just us, his family, he loves everyone. Nobody is beneath him and no one is more deserving of his love than another. You could be the Queen of England, or a homeless man on the street and he would still show you love and have time for you.

I am so grateful to share my life with the man who passed down the 'crazy' in these kiddos, because they certainly don't get that from me! Happy Father's Day James, I am so very proud of the father you are and we are blessed to be your family.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 28

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

And just like that the month is over. Thanks for following along.

Even crazier, nine years have flown by. This girl brings joy and energy to our family and today was a day to celebrate her.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 27

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

There were specific ideas regarding the 'birthday cake' and a strong desire to help make it.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 26

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 25

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

The sister.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 24

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 22

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 21

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

British Museum

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 20

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 19

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 18

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 17

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 16

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Our nearest stop. (Just a phone camera shot this one)

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 15

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Somebody went to a birthday party and got her face painted.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 14

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 13

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 12

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Sometimes you have to be home all morning (potentially all day) just waiting for the postman. Not the most fun, but it leaves you time for taking selfies :P

Photo a Day February 2015 - Day 11

This is a personal kick start project, a photo a day for the month of February.

Ah technology.